Friday, July 10, 2009

I had a phenomenally tough time trying to find the perfect birthday card/present for Deanna's birthday this year. I ventured into Target during my lunch break on Monday, hoping for the best. Normally when I go into Target I come out with absolutely nothing that I had on my list and at least $60 worth of senseless clothing/beauty product purchases. (Example: Last month I went in to buy body wash, dental floss, and band aids. I emerged with caramel rice cakes, a black dress, a blue shirt, Neutrogena lip gloss, crest white strips, and a bottle of Merlot.) I was determined to NOT let that happen this time. I decided to start with the birthday card selection first. Where's the "Tummy Mommy" section? I thought to myself with a smile. I almost asked the shelf stocking man where it was, just to be funny. Nahhh, he wouldn't get it. Do I choose a card specifically for a 4-year-old? Or do I look in the "From Mother to Daughter" section? "Gosh, I don't know," I thought. Would that be too much? Would she understand it? I'm already indecisive enough; I knew that if I couldn't even choose a section to start in, I'd be in terrible shape when trying to select the perfect card. I read some of the "From Mother to Daughter" cards. "It's been a blessing watching you grow every day...." No, that won't work. I don't see her everyday. Next. "Tiny fingers and tiny toes, every day you get bigger, how fast the time goes..." No, too sad. I couldn't find the perfect "From Mother to Daughter" card. In fact, I didn't know if that would be too confusing. After all, she knows me as her tummy mommy, not her mommy. I turned my attention to the "For a 4-year-old" section. A card with sounds perhaps? I opened the first one. No sound. Broken. Next. Shiny card. My Little Pony. Purple & pink. Game inside. "I love you, Happy birthday!" Yes! Finally. Compared to the card selection, the gift was actually easy. I was going to get her a baby doll, but I figured I already gave De and Don enough baby to handle for a while. (joking!). Since Deanna loves dressing up in Disney Princess costumes, I decided on a Tinkerbell dress up outfit, a Tinkerbell doll, and a 1 lb bag of lollipops. Perfect. I realized after spending 53 minutes in Target that I really do have a severe case of perfectionism. Everything always has to be perfect with my decisions, choices, etc. Perfectionism has always plagued me. I can't remember the last time I didn't over analyze something. As I checked out, I stopped to think about Deanna opening my gift and what she would think of it. She'd probably be just as excited as every other wonderful gift that she gets. And that's when I realized that no matter what present I get for Deanna on her 4th birthday, it doesn't change how much I love her, and it surely doesn't change how Deanna feels about me, her tummy mommy. Whew. Tomorrow's the big day. Deanna finally turns 4! Please say a quick prayer for me because it's definitely going to be tough. But I'm looking forward to hearing all about the celebration (they're having a party at a gymnasium for all the youngsters to be rambunctious and wild) and to seeing pictures of Deanna in her Tinkerbell costume very soon. :)


Amanda said...

I really love this blog. I actually keep up with it, and I enjoy reading your entries. It seems like you picked a great gift for her! Girls are so much easier! I can never pick anything out for my 4 year old nephews- ugh! However you're right in that it doesn't really matter. My birthmother bought me one gift in our entire 10 year reunion- and they were a little pair of satin pillows that you put inside your underwear drawer to make your bras smell nice. They smelled like lavender. I STILL treasure them, even though my relationship with her is not all that I want it to be, and even though they are just silly pillows. I love them and look at them when I think of her. I keep them in my drawer, even though their scent has long faded.

I really respect you and your position on life in regards to unplanned pregnancy. You're proof that the real choice lies in how we live our lives and how we play with the cards God deals us. I applaud you!

This is a long winded way of saying I'm praying for you and I hope tomorrow is just another one of the beautiful memories you will form with Deanna. :D

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