IT'S BITTERSWEET

Friday, April 24, 2009

I stayed up until 12:00am last night painting the free expression tunnel at NC State to advertise for the Student Mom Meet and Greet. I hope that people see it and decide to stop by today! I'd like to think I didn't put my right arm through that much trauma for nothing. Today is the last day of classes ever for my entire undergraduate college career. It's sort of bittersweet. Four years ago I didn't think I was even going to college. I was going to be a stay at home mom, working part-time and taking care of a beautiful baby girl. But things didn't work out the way that I had planned. And I couldn't be more thankful for that. "If you want to hear God laugh tell him your plans," right? I never cried after high school graduation because I was ready to get out. I couldn't wait to move away from the criticism, the whispers and the stares. I saw my classmates' teary eyes at graduation and it just didn't affect me. It was like in the movie The Holiday when Cameron Diaz cannot muster a tear for the life of her. Sure, I was sad to move away from all of my friends and the people who truly cared about me, but I was numb. I didn't have any emotion. Today, I feel alive again. I come from a place of self-acceptance and empathy for other women dealing with an unplanned pregnancy. It's been an amazing four years, and I'm finally ready to graduate. But I think the real journey has just begun. And today, it's going to be hard not to cry...

3 comments:

The Reality of Happily Ever After said...

I love that your life has turned out so beautifully and that you feel "alive" again -- I know I've felt I lost my liveliness so many times... You are clearly strong!

Congrats on graduating and heading into the next chapter of your life!

Joe said...

I enjoyed your blog today as always!!!

Chelsa said...

i remember that exact same feeling. i was 3 months pregnant (and the whole county knew it) at my h.s. graduation. i did not cry. i was numb. i was so ready to get out of there, get away from all those eyes looking and me and thinking (sometimes even saying out loud) "the pregnant girl"... i was never the one anyone thought would get pregnant. now i'm so thankful it was me.

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