Mid-June Updates

I'm heading to the NC mountains this weekend to visit my sister, Michelle.  Woohoo!  It should be a great time.  She just moved into a new house and is having a "rock party" which means that instead of bringing a housewarming gift, we're supposed to bring her a rock to put in her yard.  As you can see, we're very extravagant. 

So Deanna's 5th birthday is coming up in less than a month, and I have no idea what to get her!  Dolls?  Crafts?  Games?  I'm running out of good ideas.  De said that Deanna wants to have a pirate/dolphin/mermaid birthday party theme.  Can you tell that she has been to Sea World recently?  I'm thinking maybe some kind of mermaid doll for bathtub play time or a cool craft set would make a good gift for a 5-year-old. De told me that Deanna has been really into tye-dye lately, so maybe I can incorporate that into her birthday present....ideas are welcome!  

De called me a few weeks ago and told me that Deanna has been organizing things lately.  If you know me personally, you know that I am the queen of organization and neatness.  De had to call me immediately and tell me that Deanna had taken it upon herself to clean out her top dresser drawer and neatly organize her underwear into tidy piles.  She did this all on her own without being asked!  What kind of  4-year-old does that?   When De walked into Deanna's room and saw what she had done, De started laughing and said, "We need to call AmyHutton!" 

It's interesting and fun for me to hear these kinds of stories from De and to piece together how Deanna has become the person she is.  She really is a little bit of everyone!   

She gets her neat/organized side from AmyHutton.  Example: As I mentioned before, Deanna organizes her underwear into neat piles without being told.  That Type-A personality is already shining through.  When Deanna was 3-years-old, she made certain that the hair bands tied on each side of the handlebars of her bicycle were matching and perfectly aligned. 

She gets her crafty/creative side and her good heart from De.  Example: Deanna LOVES crafts. Absoluely loves them.  And when she was in preschool last year, Deanna walked up to her teacher and told her, matter-of-factly and completely out-of-the-blue, "I'm going to pray for Ava."  (Ava is a little girl in her class).  
How sweet is that?

She gets her tough/sporty side from Don.  Example:  Deanna had a Wolfpack mobile hanging above her crib since the day she was born.  (In case you're wondering, yes, it played the NC State fight song.)  A die-hard fan, Don has ingrained the phrase "Go Pack!" into Deanna's head.  I think that may have been her first sentence.  And when Deanna starts to cry, Don will tell her to say, "I'm tough!" 

She gets her silly/hyper/rambunctious side from Robbie.  Example: Deanna came to my house on Mother's Day with Don and De.  She was the most hyper-active individual I had ever encountered.  She was bouncing off the walls!  My roommate Emily commented, "She is just like Robbie!" and we all laughed because we knew it was true.   Deanna has a BIG personality, and she definitely gets a lot of that from the Robster.

And of course, outside of the four of us, Deanna has gotten a plethora of great characteristics from all of her many extended family members as well.  Open adoption is certainly multi-faceted, and each person who cares about Deanna has in some way molded her into the amazing nearly-five-year-old that she is today.  

Alright, off to the mountains!  Now if only I could find a really cool rock...

Memorial Day 2010

I've been trying to decide the topic of my next blog post for the past few days.  I'm still undecided, so I'm going to just start writing and see where this goes.  As we say in the media business, "buckle up!" Okay, we don't really ever say "buckle up" but it sounded kind of thrilling before it sounded weird.

So I went to Charleston, South Carolina this past weekend for a mini-road trip.  It was absolutely beautiful!  I would so go back again.  On the way back home to Raleigh, we stopped in to Myrtle Beach for a quick little babe visit.  Don, De and Deanna were all on the beach, so we changed into our swim suits and headed to the beach to see them.  (Along with a few Amstel Lights of course.)

When I first walked up to De, Don, and Deanna on the beach, they were hanging out with some friends from Don's work.  Deanna, who was playing with their son, ran over and gave me a huge hug.  She said, "Hi AmyHutton."  What happened next sort of caught me off-guard.  I watched as Deanna ran back to her little male companion, and she told him excitedly that I was her birthmother.  She said it proudly and with confidence.  Like it was something she was excited about!  That just made my day. The little boy didn't understand what that meant, but he just smiled and nodded.  He didn't have to understand what it meant, but it was obviously something great, something cool.  "That's my birthmom!" 

Heather @ Production, Not Reproduction offered another Open Adoption Roundtable prompt:

Imagine your child as an adult describing their open adoption experience. What do you hope they will be able to say about you? How did you view their other parents? In what ways did you support their relationship with them? 

My hopes for Deanna's adult life are very optomistic.   I don't worry as much as I did before that Deanna won't understand why I placed her for adoption or that she will be mad...I optimistically think (and hope) that Deanna will think about everything she has, not what she doesn't have as a result of the adoption.  I'm sure she will have lots of questions and thoughts as she gets older, but ultimately I think she will understand.  Someday I hope that Deanna will still be able to excitedly and confidently say, even when she is an adult, "That's my birthmom!"  And I'll probably still smile the same way that I did when I heard her say it for the first time on Memorial Day of 2010.

My relationship with Deanna is close and evolving.  Deanna will be 5-years-old in July, and I feel like she is really starting to grasp our true relationship.  Yes, I'm just another person in her family who loves her and wants the best for her, but we share something that is so close and so special.  Even Deanna's relationship with Robbie is so natural and close. When Deanna becomes an adult, I hope 1) that Don never allows her to date and 2) that she will always treasure the relationship we have been building for the past years.

I often think about how lucky I am to have Don, De, and their families in my life.  It means so much to me when Don's mother, Priscilla, sends me sweet messages and tells me how much she admires and appreciates what I have given her family.  Priscilla is an amazing woman...she told me recently that she promises to be the best grandmother ever to Deanna.  That meant the world to me!  Everyone in Don and De's families have welcomed me as one of their own, it's awesome to be able to call them my family.   

Look how much fun we had this weekend! 
And in case you're wondering, I did not injure myself doing the recreational gymnastics in the sand. 

Happy 4th Mother's Day!

I've decided to seriously consider eliminating the space between "Amy" and "Hutton" and just make it one word: "AmyHutton."  That's how Deanna says my name anyway.   She says "AmyHutton" super quickly like it's just one short word.  Like Madonna. Or Bono. Or even Cher.  AmyHutton.  I like it. 

I realized yesterday that De and I will forever share the same Mother's Day anniversary.  Yesterday was our 4th Mother's Day together.  It's kind of cool to think that we both became mothers on the same day.  Isn't that a special and unique bond to share?  I only made this obvious realization as I opened the card that Deanna had made for me, and I saw that the front of the envelope said, "Happy 4th Mother's Day Amy Hutton!"  Has it really been 4 years already?   That I cannot believe.  

So how did I spend my Mother's Day?  Don, De, and Deanna stopped by my house yesterday for a quick visit (they were in town visiting Don's mom and dad this weekend).  Deanna hopped out of the car, performed an impressive display of gymnastics, and watered the flowers, plants, and large wooden swing in my front yard. (Apparently the swing still had some growing to do.)   Then we took some Mother's Day pictures, and Deanna gave me a card that she decorated especially for me.  It was really sweet.  

This Mother's Day wasn't nearly as tough as some of the previous ones I've experienced.  In the past, Mother's Day used to be a day filled with self-pity and sadness. Woe is me.  But yesterday was different from the others; I'm not sure why that is exactly, but I do know that I am feeling more at peace with my decision than I ever thought possible.  Not only that, but instead of feeling like a forgotten mother, I had a plethora of family and friends saying "Happy Mother's Day" to me. This was a small, simple gesture that really meant a lot.  It's nice to feel appreciated.  :)  Not that it's always going to be easy for me from now on, but at this point in my life, I am at a place of acceptance and complete faith in the Lord.  I know that I made the right decision.  I know that my life, Deanna's life, meeting the Dollars, were not merely accidents or coincidences.  And I know that God has amazing things in store for me.  I'm not sure exactly what yet, but I've got a great feeling about this upcoming year. 

 

Yesterday Was The Day

Don Dollar says (via my facebook wall), "It's time for another blog post."  Don, you know how I hate to disappoint. :)  Conveniently, my Breaking Free bible study wrapped up this past week, and my plan is to ease back into the blogging world slowly and cautiously.  I'm ready to pick up where I left off, but instead of feeling an obligation to blog every (x) amount of days, I'm going to blog whenever and wherever I darn well please.

So yesterday was the day.  The day of the Second Empire 5K Classic in downtown Raleigh, of course.  If you don't remember from several of my previous blog posts, this was a 5K race in the heart of downtown Raleigh held by Second Empire Restaurant & Tavern owner, Kim Reynolds, to benefit Hopeful Parents, a nonprofit organization that assists prospective adoptive parents in preparing to adopt and provides community support to adoptive and birth families.  Kim and her husband, who adopted their son a few years ago, are active members of Hopeful Parents.  When they spotted the Mother's Day story in the News & Observer about my open adoption last May, Kim contacted me about helping to plan the race.  Jumping at the chance to promote adoption, I was so in.

Having the opportunity to be a part of the planning committee was nothing short of a privilege. I had the opportunity to work with so many great people who truly believe in celebrating, supporting and promoting adoption.   There were 500+ runners at the event, adoption agencies on-site to answer questions and provide resources, music, mascots, and spectators.  It was so neat to see how many people came out to support the event and celebrate adoption.  What I like best about Hopeful Parents is that the organization strives to provide continued support for adoptive parents, birthfamilies, and adopted children.  No member of the adoption triad left behind!  Which of course is not their slogan, but I'm thinking that it probably should be.

A particularly memorable moment (for me) was before the race began and one member of each side of the adoption triad (adoptive parent, birthmother, adoptee) addressed the crowd on stage.   First, Lea, a board member of Hopeful Parents who adopted her son a few years ago spoke about her experience as an adoptive mother and about Hopeful Parents.  Next, I hopped (literally) up on stage and spoke for a few minutes about my experience with open adoption and my goal to start a birthmother support group here in the Triangle.  (Here comes the memorable part) --> The adoptee, 10-year-old Allyson, spoke about how grateful she is that she was adopted.  It was precious.  I could see a few teary-eyed folks in the crowd as Allyson read from her hand-written list all of the things she has been able to do because of her adoption -- playing on a soccer team, learning to play the violin, having a little brother that she adores, etc, etc, etc.  She noted the fact that she would never have been able to have these things if she had not been adopted. 

I couldn't help but get a little misty-eyed myself, thinking about Deanna as Allyson spoke.  I hope that Deanna feels similarly about her adoption when she gets older.  I hope that she is able to understand how much she has been able to experience because of her adoption and how much she would have missed out on had she not been placed with Don and De. Things like playing soccer every week, being enrolled in a stellar gymnastics program, living at the beach, having a stay-at-home mom and a stable home life are just a few examples of the things that probably would not have been possible for Deanna if I had tried to do things on my own.   While I don't constantly dwell on Deanna's future adoption inquiries, these tough questions are something that I have tried to mentally prepare myself for.  Allyson's speech gave me hope for Deanna's acceptance someday. 

And then I ran the 5K.  I wasn't planning on running since I was speaking literally RIGHT before the race began, but I decided at the last minute that I would just do. Seriously, I almost died in the 90+ degree weather, but I actually ran the entire race without stopping and came in 5th in my age group.  I'm so glad that I decided to challenge myself.  Unfortunately, today I am dealing with the intense repercussions of 1) not stretching well before the race  2) not warming up before the race and 3) not lathering sunscreen on my shoulders/arms/back/chest. 

I'm beginning to realize more and more as I get older that my parents are always right.  Yeah, I admit it.  "Always wear sunscreen, stretch before you exercise, remember to say please and thank you, etc, etc, etc." And the list goes on.   My parents have drilled these concepts into my head time and time again, and it's sad to think that as a 23-year-old, I've only placed the utmost importance on the "remember to say please and thank you" part.   I'm finally beginning to realize that there is a logical explanation behind all of my parent's rules and advice.  But don't tell them I told you that. :)

Well aside from looking like a lobster and feeling the pain of sunburned skin and sore muscles, I am feeling pretty good about myself today.  Thank you to everyone who came out to the race!  
Check out the pictures from the event:

Guest Blog Post from Sister Michelle

Written by my lovely sister, Michelle Hutton:

Well, I can’t give myself a better introduction than Amy has done for me.  I do have to correct her on one point, though.  I am not a licensed psychologist, but a licensed psychological associate.  The difference is, of course, that I had neither the money nor the motivation to put myself through another 4 years of a doctorate program before starting to work.  I settled with a master’s degree and a license that allows me to practice psychology in the state of North Carolina.  I mainly work with middle- and high school-age kids from impoverished families.  This is my first time guest-blogging, or "glogging," and I am thrilled to get the opportunity to write for Amy. 

As my background (police officer, peeper-tackler) has no doubt alerted you, I have always been the “tough” sister.  I took care of the problems, whatever they might be.  When other people tried to intimidate my sisters, I jumped to their defense.  I was not shy about my willingness to verbally or physically defend either of them, be it a crazy ex-boyfriend, a jealous classmate, or a new boyfriend coming over to meet the family (sorry, Laura). 

Even when my sisters fought with each other, they both came to me for answers.  I always provided the comfort and support that an older sister ought to, and tried to fix their relationship the best I could.  I enjoyed my role as the problem-solver.  So, naturally, when we found out Amy was pregnant, I made it my job to come up with solutions.  I came up with elaborate plans involving my family that would allow us to keep and raise Deanna in Pittsburgh.  I almost completely discounted the Leonards’ role.  This was Amy’s baby, darn it, and I added the unborn child to the list of people I felt I had to protect. 

Then I found out that Amy was considering adoption.  I felt that I had lost some sort of battle.  I imagined the baby far away, never knowing anyone in her family, and completely without my protection.  I was very angry with Amy and Robbie.  I cried myself to sleep for several nights.  Confused and irrational, I called both of them to vent my feelings.  Robbie tried his best to calm me down, but the only thing he said that made any difference to me was something to the effect of, “Amy feels like everyone hates her right now, she really needs support from you.” 

That simple statement woke me up to the hurt I was inflicting upon my sister, whom I loved and protected.  I made the decision then that I would support Amy.  This did not mean I was happy with her decision.  I still couldn’t understand how she would want to give away part of herself to a family of strangers.  It was difficult for me to put myself in Amy’s position and see why she made the choice that she did.  Trying to find someone besides my sister to blame for this decision, I focused on the Dollars.  I decided that I wouldn’t like De or Don, the two people who would willingly take Amy’s child away from her. 

Suffice it to say that, when I finally met De and Don, I was distant, reserved, and extremely suspicious of these people who were now my niece’s protectors and caretakers.  Luckily for me, they did not take this the wrong way, and soon enough I willingly passed the role of the protector off to Don, who will someday also want to strike fear into the hearts of young men who come to meet the family.  It took one meeting for me to change my opinion of De and Don.  From that point, I saw the Dollars as my sister did from the very beginning:  a loving couple who wanted a child.  Amy had told me over and over (before I was ready to listen to her) that she felt that she and the baby were the answer the Dollars had been praying for.  After I met them, I believed that Amy was right. 

The lesson that I learned from this is that I had to trust Amy to make the right decision for her and Deanna, regardless of what my personal opinion was.  We could all tell Amy what we thought she should do, what we thought was best for her and the baby, but really Amy was the only one who could know what would be best for her.  My sister made the perfect decision.  She was able to meet her own needs as well as Deanna’s needs.  Amy was able to go to college, join the swim team, conduct ridiculous interviews with unsuspecting people, and graduate.  Deanna is able to enjoy an extra-large loving, supportive family.  They are able to see each other and have time together. 

I know that if anyone could have given me a picture of this future when Amy was pregnant, I would not have had nearly as much trouble accepting Amy’s decision as I did when the future was so uncertain.  I love the new additions to my extended family, and respect my sister’s personal strength more than ever.  And De and Don know that if they have any problems, they have a former-police-officer-and-peeper-tackler waiting in the wings to help. 

-Michelle

Updates on Amstel's Life

My older sister, Michelle, is going to be writing a guest blog post for Amstel Life.  On a personal level, she's closely observed what it's been like for me to go through the entire adoption process.  On a professional level, she's a licensed psychologist in the wonderful state of North Carolina, so I think her perspective will be an interesting one.  Yes, this is the sister who used to be a seasonal police officer, who owns pet rats because she truly enjoys their company, and who tackled a peeping tom outside of my aunt's window and put him in a headlock until the police and paramedics arrived.  THAT sister.  She refuses to reveal to me the topic of her post and the date it will be completed.  Heck, she probably hasn't started yet, but we do our best work under pressure, right?   

Michelle has really changed since high school.  Here she is below:

Just kidding.  Those are her fake cleatus teeth.  
Did you believe me?  Okay, here she really is.  
This picture was taken during her Katherine Heigl stage.

Michelle--we anxiously wait for your post.  

Now for some updates:
Robbie went to visit Don, De, and Deanna a few weeks ago.  He stayed with them overnight and had the wonderful opportunity to take Deanna to school the next day with De.  He got to see her classroom, talk to her teachers, and see what her daily routine is like.  Isn't that cool?  

 
























De recently had some homework to do for Deanna's class....
Look at what she made:

 

 

 

Isn't De so creative and crafty?  I wish I had that kind of artistic ability.  When I was in 4th grade I tried to make a paper mache replica of my then idol, Dominique Moceanu.  Regretfully, it didn't even resemble a human being, and I think the arms fell off a short time later.  My mom said it was great though!  Hey, I tried, right?  I'm crossing my fingers that Deanna will take after De's creative side...and not mine.

And my final update of the day...
I'm five weeks into a Beth Moore Bible study and it's like nothing I've ever experienced before.  Have you heard of Beth Moore?  If you have, then I need not say anything else.  If you haven't, then you need to.  She is a popular Bible study teacher who is absolutely hilarious and incredibly insightful, and she has great hair that is constantly changing.  She is a firecracker!

Take a look at this picture I found from many years ago of Beth rocking the Carol Brady!  Whew, look at that hair!  If that doesn't motivate you to learn more about her...

The study I'm doing is called, "Breaking Free" ...
In Breaking Free, best-selling author and popular Bible teacher Beth Moore takes you on a journey to discovering true spiritual freedom - the abundant life God intends for every believer - by identifying spiritual strongholds and removing all obstacles that hinder you from enjoying the benefits of a relationship with God. 

What makes this Bible study so special for me?  Well for starters, it's my first one.  And not only that, I admit to you that I had never consistently read the Bible until now.  I had skimmed through it before (here and there) and heard the word during church on Sundays, but I actually never found myself wanting to sit down and read it consistently -- until now.  It might have been Beth Moore's Texas-twanged accent when she said, "Get in The Word, girlfriend!" that motivated me to actually get started, but it was the contents of the book that kept me going back.  I can't believe what I've been missing out on.

I found one of the very first lessons in the study to be especially pertinent to my life.  Beth Moore writes,  
"I believe God's hatred of pride expresses His love. Pride slights Him, but it destroys us.  Uzziah had been a good man. An excellent king. A wonderful provider. A courageous warrior. Even a visionary and an entrepreneur. Yet, when his life was over, all people could say was, "He had leprosy." How like our human natures-both in our tendency towards pride when we are blessed with success and in our tendency to judge someone's entire life by a brief season of failure..."  

A brief season of failure.  This lesson really stood out to me.  Why is it that we tend to remember people for their mistakes rather than for their greatest achievements?  I can sort of relate to that.  I thought that lesson was super interesting, and so many of Beth's other lessons that have just blown me away.  I constantly find myself thinking, "I never thought about it like that!" or  "He did that for me????"  I've learned so much already, and I'm absolutely loving it. The Lord has been so good to me.

For the next couple of weeks, I'm going to continue to devote most of my time to my "homework," identifying the strongholds and obstacles in my life, and breaking free from those strongholds and obstacles.  That's not to say that I'm putting Amstel Life completely on the back burner, but I think this will be an awesome opportunity for me to really grow as a person and to put some things I've dealt with in the past to rest.  And this will also be an awesome opportunity to introduce some guest bloggers who have their own perspectives about open adoption!  Ahem, Michelle.  Anyone have suggestions for guest bloggers for Amstel Life? 

I'm so excited about the next few weeks, and I hope that you'll continue to keep up with Amstel Life!  

There are going to be some awesome changes coming your way soon... :) 

Jesus said to him, "Is it because you have seen me that you have believed? How blessed are those who have never seen me and yet have believed!"
John 20:29