Truth be told...

Friday, June 29, 2012

I've written a ton of awesome blog posts lately - in my head.  Truth be told, for one reason or another, none of these posts {that have seriously been written in my head} have made it from my brain to the keyboard.  I don't know if it's procrastination or feeling too vulnerable to share what's in my heart. This blog has been a great way to share my experiences as a birthmother, but I have to admit there are times that I envy those anonymous bloggers who are free to write about whatever the heck they want without the fear of offending someone they know personally. It's much easier to be honest when you don't have to worry about offending someone you care about.  Anyone else ever feel like this?

Also, it seems like every time I even think about posting an update, I find something else to do that's "more important."  I'll blog just as soon as I fold all of this laundry that's piled on my bed... and Clorox wipe up the kitchen... and then check out the newsfeed to make sure nothing important has escaped my eyes within the last 15 minutes.  Ha.

I was sitting in church last Sunday morning, on the very last page of our sermon notes, I saw something that caught my attention. Ecclesiastes 11:4 says "If you wait for perfect conditions, you will never get anything done."  In context, this verse is referring to a farmer who is waiting for perfect conditions to plant seeds. It made me realize that if I continue to wait for perfect conditions to write a blog post - it's probably never going to happen.

There are plenty of things to write about.  First, some updates from the past year.  I was able to attend the Birthmom Buds Annual Retreat this year in Charlotte, and it was fabulous.  Here's a nice little group pic.  We had birthmothers from all across the country, and it was so so so so so great to finally meet some of these women.  I already knew a few of them through blogging, and it was particularly special to have been assigned to sit next to sweet, little Leah from o-momma writes. {}, whom I've had the pleasure of meeting in Raleigh a  few years ago. If you haven't had a chance to read her blog yet, hit that up!

In other news, I had the opportunity to participate in my first mission trip in March.  I went to Barbados with a small group from Fellowship of Christian Athletes.  We went down to "Bim" as the locals say, to encourage an existing sports ministry there.  It was an unforgettable experience, and it was amazing to see how God is working through sports ministry in that part of the world, and humbling to be a small part of that. We really bonded with our new Bajan friends. I think of our new friends often, and of course, I'd go back in a heartbeat.  I'll share more about my journey to Barbados, how I got involved, and what we specifically did there, but in the meantime, here are a few of my pictures:

Aaaaaaaaaany whoooo.  Oh, and I recently bought a house.  A townhouse to be specific, but a big deal nonetheless!  Here's a picture of my humble abode.  She's a real gem, and these past few weeks have been filled with painting, decorating, and moving. By the way, this is the 3rd time my boyfriend has graciously helped me to move everything that I own into a new place in the past three years - that's love. He's definitely a keeper.  

Never in a coon's age could I have imagined I'd be a homeowner at 25, but here I am, planting my roots even further in a city that I {absolutely} adore. I'll save the exciting story of how I happened upon home-ownership for another post. 

Finally, my last update is something that deserves acknowledgement because it is a part this open adoption story.  Deanna's birthfather is getting married.  I'm very happy for him, and I'm thankful that his fiance is a wonderful person who also loves Deanna very much. Since our relationship ended many years ago, a huge fear of mine was that he would end up marrying someone who didn't love Deanna as much as we do.  I am so thankful that I don't have to worry about that anymore.  As De, Don and I have always said, the more people to love on Deanna the better. 

Something I've come to realize in the {nearly} 7 years since Deanna's adoption, is that God does have an amazing plan for my life. Although I must admit that I couldn't always see that plan. One of the many awesome things about God is that He will make the plans He has for us clear in His perfect timing.  His plans are to prosper us, and to give us hope and a future. Isn't that amazing? In the meantime though, there are times where we have to walk by faith and not by sight. There have been many times in the years following Deanna's adoption that I've felt completely uncertain of what God had in store for my life, and I tried really hard to make things happen in my own timing.  But I'm so thankful that God has put me exactly where I was supposed to be at each point in my life. Ever faithful, He has opened the right doors and closed the wrong ones.     

One of my favorite verses is Isaiah 55:8-9.  “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the Lord. As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than you thoughts. 

Thanks for hanging in there while I took my mini-hiatus.  Looking forward to getting back to writing again.